[In a parallel universe called 'Humility']
No, I am not saying that we are a perfect breed. We are as imperfect as your random pick from
any other profession. There are levels
of competency. There are levels of honesty and integrity too. We cut corners, we peddle drugs, milk formula
and other stuff for a little ‘something’. Some of us are in the business of
selling costly lenses and stents. We too use threat and cajole in the right mix
to persuade our patients to empty their pockets. Oh yes, we know how to pick if we want to.
Not all of us of course, but some most certainly.
We do have something called pride. Dignity is important to us. Like all professionals, we are not happy when
there’s a slur on what we do. As I said,
not all of us are clean, and as such there are many who deserve to be called
‘quacks’ both for professional incompetence and lack of integrity.
And yet, the quackery that we as a collective
are guilty of is nothing compared to the quackery of those who have had little
or no medical training. I am talking of those who have been trained to read
prescriptions masquerading as physicians, and of course outright crooks with no
medical training whatsoever, not even dispensing drugs, setting up shop to
diagnose and prescribe for a fee. There
are many. So when they get caught I am
happy.
The thing about such quacks is that they can be caught at
any time and they are too, sooner or later.
What really gets my goat are the quacks who not only give us a bad name,
but flaunt their quackery in public and get a lot of bucks for the flaunting to
boot.
You see them on television all the time. All it takes to be a ‘TV Doctor’ is to have a
long white coat the kind that you see doctors wear and a stethoscope. Wait, it also helps to wear spectacles and in
the case of male ‘doctors’ to be clean shaven and to have a well-groomed look,
hair nicely combed and all that.
What really bugs the hell out of me is that these quacks
actually endorse products, brands and practices as though they have obtained
license from the World Health Organization to do so, often acting as though
their claims are backed by solid research that yielded irrefutable
conclusions.
Now we do get so-called professional associations endorsing
products or ‘clearing’ them in the classic whitewashing exercise that many find
to be very remunerative. We see their
office-bearers similarly offering endorsement as though it is the official view
of the membership. But ‘TV Doctors’ are
the limit. If real doctors are small
time pickpockets, these TV quacks are big time embezzlers.
Those of us who bend the rules here and there, but these
jokers don’t have any rules. Don’t get
me wrong, it is not about jealousy. The
problem is that people look up to doctors.
Since patients don’t know any better, they take the doctor’s word as
though it is Gospel Truth or an extension of the Chaturarya Satyaya or the Four Noble Truth expounded by the Buddha Siddhartha Gauthama.
Most, if
not all, don’t know that the jokers who flash across the TV screen are models
and not qualified physicians. Not just these quacks but the peddlers of the
brands and products they ‘endorse’ as well as the relevant media stations are
guilty of deliberate attempts at mass
duping.
Oh yes, it’s not just on television, these quacks are often
‘posted’ to remote places where fresh markets of gullible consumers are being
explored. The long white coat and
stethoscope will do it. Heck, out there
in the back of beyond you can even call these quacks ‘doctor’ while peddling
your energy drinks, skin-whiteners, toothpaste and whatnot, and most will go
along; no one will ask for the degree certificate after all.
So yes, I am livid. I
am wondering why the Ministry of Heath, the Sri Lanka Medical Association and
the Government Medical Officers’ Association are letting these quacks get away
with murder. I am wondering what the true worth of my
medical degree is. I am wondering
whether it would have been easier for me to get beauty treatment and try out as
a model instead of sweating it through medical college, for if quackery is
permitted and if outright quackery is more remunerative, then a doctor is a
poor cousin to a TV quack.
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