03 March 2016

Thilanga to table 'Cooling Act' in Parliament

The following are comments on all manner of developments in the political arena, recently published as Facebook posts under the tag 'News Next from Kekirilanthaya'.

Thilanga to table 'Cooling Act' in Parliament
Thilanga Sumathipala, who got his knickers twisted by trying to preach ethics to Mahela Jayawardena is to table a draft 'Cooling Act' in Parliament, according to sources close to Sporting Times. Thilanga faulted Mahela for helping England's cricketers, calling it 'unethical', and suggested that there should be a 'cooling period' after an individual retires before he takes up any position in any other country. Mahela rapped Thilanga's ethical- fingers hard referring to the nationality of Sri Lanka's cricket coach, Graham Ford. 
Stung by Mahela's retort and needing to save face, Thilanga set to work on the above-mentioned 'Cooling Act'. According to this act politicians who cross party lines will have to remain in political limbo for a 5 year period. 
The draft contains a get-out-of-jail clause for Vairee Sirisena and other political pole-vaulters such as Rajitha Senaratne and himself: It will apply only to those who change loyalties after the Act is passed.

Lakshman Kiriella's 'The Essence of Political Science' a prescribed text in universities
The Minister of Higher Education of the Dog-Governance Government, Lakshman Kiriella has written to the Head, Department of Political Science, University of Kelaniya, recommending that he recruit one of the Minister's friends as a 'Temporary Lecturer'. 
It is not clear if this is how Kiriella understands 'politics' or whether he believes this is how he should celebrate the science of politics. However, it is reliably learnt that his 'The Essence of Political Science' is now a prescribed text in the Political Science syllabi of all Sri Lankan universities offering that subject.

Kiriella to replace Sanka Amarajith
Lakshman Kiriella is set to replace the 'disgraced' Derana TV presenter Sanka, who got into the bad books of the Dog-Governance Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe recently. Kiriella has a proven and strong track record when it comes to media, media practices, media ethics etc., even lecturing journalists on the do's and don't's of their profession. Furthermore, the Derana management, it is learnt, has taken into account the close relationship between Kiriella and Wickremesinghe in offering the former the post made vacant by Sanka's unceremonious departure. It is not clear as yet whether Wickremesinghe sent a note to Derana through the Media Minister Gayantha Karunatilleka requesting that Kiriella be hired 'if he is suitably qualified, regardless of his age'.

Thilaga to sack Graham Ford to recover ethical integrity
Thilanga Sumathipala, newly elected President of Sri Lanka Cricket, smarting from comments by Mahela Jayawardena who chided the politician cum cricket administrator for faulting him (Mahela) for offering expert services to the England cricket team, has decided to move quickly to pull the argumentative rug from under Jayawardena's feet.
Earlier Thilanga had questioned the ethics of Mahela helping the England cricket team and Mahela had shot back asking how he (Mahela) could be considered 'unethical' when Sri Lanka Cricket had retained the services of Graham Ford.
Clearly wounded by this well executed cover drive by the former Sri Lanka captain, Thilanga is rumoured to be mulling the immediate removal of Graham Ford.

India is the most generous country on earth
It is now confirmed that India is the most generous country on earth. This fact has been deduced following a comment by Wimal Weerawansa. Weerawansa points out that although India cannot provide medical care to vast sections of its population and does not have the capacity to get a patient in critical condition to a hospital, it has the heart to offer ambulance services to Sri Lanka.

Rajapaksa wealth buried in all abandoned paddy fields
It is reliably learnt that wealth accumulated by the Rajapaksa Clan between 2005 and 2015 have been buried in abandoned paddy fields scattered all over the country. This wealth includes money pilfered from the Treasury, gold recovered from territories held by the LTTE, kickbacks and other fraudulent measures. 
The balupaalana government is taking steps to script into the controversial ICTA pact with India a clause that would allow cheap Indian labor to be imported to unearth this immense wealth that rightfully belongs to the people.

More than 300 days after the '100 Days' lots of questions remain unanswered
Do you remember the '100 Days', i.e. the 100 days of the good-governance government's '100 Days Programme?' A distant memory?  A 'long ago' where crimes of omission and commission quickly saw good-governance bleeding into dog-governance a la Ranil Wickremesinghe's pledge 'we won't let dogs to dog things!' remember?  Have you realised that more than 400 days have passed since January 8, 2016?  What happened to electoral reform (20th Amendment)?  How about the Right to Information Act? Why is Maithripala Sirisena, sorry Vairee Sirisena, so scared to hold local government elections?  Who is drafting ECTA? When will the public get to see it?  Will it be like the Indo-Lanka Accord and the Ceasefire Agreement where few people knew what is was all about but the entire country had to pay a heavy price?