It's 2016 and not 2010. Things are different here in Sri Lanka. Out there, it's same-old, same-old. Today it's the time for the resurrections of ghosts and myth-models, the re-run of the Eelam drive, a regurgitation of old claims and half-truths, the celebration of selectivity. In this context it is not out of place to revisit the politics and the politicians dancing on the global stage, especially a man called Ban ki-Moon.
He’s rubbed half the world the wrong way, jumped the gun,
gone against protocol, acquired powers that none of his predecessors enjoyed,
thumbed his nose at the General Assembly and the Security Council and acted as
though he’s CEO of Global Government and not the chief administrative officer
of the UN. Ban Ki-moon is cutting a
sorry figure these days.
The man is half-blind; he could pour over the World Atlas
for weeks and not come across names such as Iraq,
Afghanistan and Gaza, forget Guantanamo
Bay, Abu Ghraib etc. Indeed, when such place-names are mentioned,
his feet immediately swell to proportions so considerable that he is rendered
immobile. It is natural for a man
decapitated in this manner to slip and fall and roll around. He’s consumed enough lies and been exposed so
many times that like a compulsive gambler, he’s persuaded to double his bet.
And so he blunders along and gets rapped on his knuckles for his pains, now by Russia and now by China.
Ki-moon wants to help us, we are told. His need is so acute that he’s appointed a
panel to advise him on issues pertaining to Sri Lanka. Ki-moon’s
representative, making the relevant announcement, categorically stated that the
key-word is ‘advise’ and not ‘investigate’.
Now he clearly hasn’t briefed his panelists. The chief of the panel, Marzuki Darusman, who
was a member of the much-discredited IIGEP which tripped over itself and its
words a couple of years ago, has said ‘we will investigate the LTTE also’. Well, we don’t really care, for the LTTE is
no longer the threat it used to be, but what worries me is that either Ki-moon
hasn’t told him or he, Darusman, has not been listening. It is not about ‘investigation’, Ki-moon has
said clearly.
If it is just chit-chat over coffee or tea among the
ill-informed to further confuse a muddle-head, then what’s all this fuss
about? It is clear that someone has had
his tail stepped on and is thirsting for revenge. Or else, he’s been called a wimp by so many
and so frequently that he needs to feel adequate, big enough, capable, potent,
virile etc., and is looking around for a country that is too small or too kind
to whip his backside in the manner he clearly deserves.
Fine, Ki-moon, we understand. Yes, we do. We really, really
do. You’ve got problems, we understand
and hope, once sanity returns to you, that you understand that we have problems
ourselves.
This Darusman, we are told, is upset that Sri Lanka has
decided not to recognize the panel and as such sees no reason to roll out the proverbial
red carpet. Advisors can do conference
calls to Ki-moon. They can chit-chat on Facebook or Skype. They can tweet. They don’t have to come to Sri Lanka to do
anything. If they want to consult
anyone, they can use the internet or send text messages back and forth. Who are they planning to consult in Sri Lanka? Prabhakaran’s ghosts? Prabhakaran’s apologists? Well, the former
can visit Darusman and his pals anytime he chooses. As for the latter category, its membership is
‘internetted’ and I am fairly certain that’s where the bug that’s biting
Ki-moon’s behind was ‘Dollied’ (ref Dolly, the first cloned goat).
Darusman is upset. He
says, ‘Everybody loses out if we cannot go to Sri Lanka, it will make it harder
for the truth to be unearthed’. We are
talking ASSUMPTION here. The truth is
out there. It has a number; 300,000 hostages freed. It has a history; a country
that eliminated the world’s most ruthless terrorist outfit. There are comparisons and they have names: Iraq, Afghanistan,
Gaza, and other places where the USA and its allies have killed hundreds of
thousands of people (there’s PROOF here, unlike in the case of Sri Lanka,
where there is WILD CONJECTURE based on NOTHING).
We are upset too, Darusman. We are upset that you lack
intellect, basic intelligence, integrity and the basic language skills
necessary to distinguish the difference between ADVICE and INVESTIGATION. What do we have to lose, Darusman? We lost so much in 30 years of being held to
ransom and being besieged by terrorism and during this time I would like you to
tell me WTF were you doing and WTF you were doing it. You could ask your pal Ki-moon the same, BTW.
We lose NOTHING if you don’t come. If you DO come, we lose something, because
we’ve already got our quota of bad smells and one more whiff would result in
national asphyxiation.
I think there are things that best said with great economy
of words. Lakdasa Wikkramasinha, I am
told, had once written the following lines about the British Council (very
valid today, in terms of the rubbishy English that the BC is promoting these
days and its celebration of the mediocrity in the name of championing English
literature by Sri Lanka
authors). Since Ban Ki-moon is doing
this for me and my fellow Sri Lankans, and Darusman and his pals too love me
and my fellow Sri Lankans so much, let these words inspire us all and keep us
on our toes.
When they kiss my ass
o lord
save me
from the clap!
This article was first published in the Sunday Island (June 27, 2010).
Malinda Seneviratne is
a freelance writer. Email: malindasenevi@gmail.com. Twitter: malindasene
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