The power of ‘sorry’

Have you ever felt a tightness in your throat? I think most people have, and quite frequently too. It’s like words are stuck somewhere and you just can’t get them out. Perhaps it’s because you really don’t know how to arrange the words properly, which is sometimes the only way of clearing the tightness in your throat. 

Sometimes the tightness is in your heart. It could also be in your mind. There’s something stuck somewhere and you don’t know what it is. Even if you knew what it is, you don’t know how to get it out. Happens a lot.

When we don’t know what to do, we just wait. Sometimes it goes away. It can dissolve with time. Sometimes it doesn’t. Then it eats into us. Sooner or later it explodes.

There are all kinds of explosions, though. Things that get stuck in throat, mind or heart can erupt as a song, as a painting or sketch, or some other form of art. We can release it by focusing intensely on something else. Sometimes all that is requires is to clean up your room, sort out your notes or cook something. A movie-binge can let it out. Even a determined, focused and intense engagement in some sport can sort it out.

Sleep also has a way of dissolving things. You toss and turn at night because you just can’t let it out, but eventually you fall asleep. The terrible night must end at some point, and it does, and when it does, the dawn breaks and everything appears to be different. 

On the other hand, we often see people wrench out these ‘stuck-in-the-throat’ things by just venting. They explode. They spread the foulness of that which bothers them and then entire room seems to smell bad. Sometimes people are violent. They break things. They hurt people. Physically. And sometimes they hurt the feelings of those who happen to be around, whether or not they are to blame. 

They rant and rave. They vent. As a result the throat, heart and mind are all cleared. 

The problem is that there’s a cost. When you hurt someone in the process, whether or not that person was to blame for your condition in the first place, there’s something that gets stuck, either in that person’s heart or mind or yours. 

When you lose your temper, when the person at the receiving end has lost his or her temper as well, conversation is not possible. Not immediately, anyway. 

Later, you might realize that you didn’t have to explode. Maybe you’ll realize that it was a small blockage anyway and would have gone away sooner or later harmlessly. Maybe it was serious, but you might figure out that there were other and better ways to deal with it. 

Say ‘sorry’. Not easy, but try saying sorry. Takes very little effort. It clears all blockages, really. Best to find some way other than venting of course, but if you have exploded, then ‘sorry’ can clear the air pretty easily. 

Sorry. One of the most powerful words that human beings have coined. It is used a lot for trivial things, but not when it really needs to be used.  Try saying it. Well, it’s easy to say it, but you have to be genuine about it. You have to BE sorry in the first place. Saying it becomes easier then.  

Several years ago, I wrote a regular column for the JEANS section of 'The Nation'.  The editor of JEANS, Kusumanjalee Thilakarathna now handles the 'Littlestars' tabloid distributed with 'The Sunday Morning'. This is the sixteenth article for Littlestars.  Scroll down to find the full series of articles written for JEANS and the those of this new series.

Articles for THE SUNDAY MORNING

You could stomp on an anthill or saving a drowning ant

Have you ever been at boiling point?

A tree has clues that lead to a treasure

Listen! You will be rewarded...

Keep things sorted so you can wreck things more efficiently!

Is charcoal black, red or purple?

Homework can change your life, really

The language of chairs, pens and kites

Have you ever seen a worn-out grandmother?

Who really makes clouds and why do shadows keep moving?

Shall we try being differently-abled

Distance is a toy

There are games you can play with the rain

Articles for THE NATION
There's a secret friend waiting for you

Ignorance is an exciting thing!

Un-cluttering is an art

It begins with the first soiled spoon

You have loads of time, you know

A puddle is a canvas

Venus-Serena tied at love-all
Some jokes are not funny
There's an ant story waiting for you
And you can be a rainbow-maker
Trees are noble teachers
On cloudless nights the moon is a hole
Gulp down those hurtful words
A question is a boat, a jet, a space-ship or a heart
Quotes can take you far but they can also stop you
No one is weak
The fisherman in a black shirt
Let's celebrate Nelli and Nelliness
Ready for time travel?
Puddles look back at you, did you know?
What's the view like from your door?
The world is rearranged by silhouettes
How would you paint the sky?
It is cool to slosh around
You can compose your own music
Pebbles are amazing things
You can fly if you want to
The happiest days of our lives
So what do you want to do with the rain?
Still looking for that secret passage?
Maybe we should respect the dust we walk on
Numbers are beautiful 
There are libraries everywhere 
Collect something crazy
Fragments speak of a thousand stories 
The games you can and cannot play with rice
The magic of the road less-traveled
Have you ever thought of forgiving?
Wallflowers are pretty, aren't they?
What kind of friend do you want to be? 
Noticed the countless butterflies around you?
It's great to chase rainbows
In praise of 'lesser' creatures 
A mango is a book did you know?
Expressions are interesting things
How many pairs of eyes do you need?
So no one likes you?
There is magic in faraway lights
The thambilil-seller of Giriulla
When people won't listen, things will
Lessons of the seven-times table