Enough is enough.
Ever since some idiot decided to invent me, I’ve never had it easy. I never got to choose what goes in me. I’ve been used, sure, in civilized societies,
to draw water. That’s an
across-the-globe thing. Maybe they
should have named me water bucket and made some law to prohibit buckets from being
used to collect anything but water.
Well, maybe grain and maybe leaves.
That’s it.
What is it with humans, really? They have the nerve to come up with something
called ‘the bucket list’. I have been
tagged to a must-do-before-death list.
Why? Because when someone dies
they say he/she has ‘kicked the bucket’!
Kicked life, now that makes sense, but why a bucket? What has a bucket got to do with death and
dying? I’ve been kicked around lot over
the years but I challenge anyone to show any proof that kicking me caused
anything but a dent in my sides. Kick the bucket, my foot! It’s an insult that’s even worse than using
me to carry human excreta during those long centuries when some cultures
couldn’t get a hang on what goes out of their orifices.
Now they’ve got me entangled in a bizarre thing called the
Ice Bucket Challenge. Look, I am ok with
ice. I am ok with challenges. But what’s
the big deal about idiots filling me up with ice or ice water or anything for
that matter and emptying it over their stupid heads? Most of them don’t know elementary
physics. Many can’t even lift me up once
filled. They all hurt me, and for
having done what wrong, I ask you!
Are these creatures so dumb that they’ve forgotten the basic
thing about charity? Well, not the
‘basic thing’, which is ‘charity is the privilege of the wealthy’, but the
second basic thing: it’s about dishing out money, writing a check, offering
services free of charge, helping out the needy or whatever that needs to be
done that one is ready to do without costing the recipient. Why drag buckets into it?
Today every other attention-deficient nutcase is picking me up
to look like a prized idiot. I am being
‘idiotized’ by association. I tell you,
I will not have it. Ok, there’s an up
side to this bucket downing business, I must admit. The vast majority of bucket-challenge morons
don’t have a clue about the cause. They
know how to take selfies and they know how to post these on facebook but they
don’t even bother to find out what ALS stands for. It could be All Losers Syndicated. It could be Arrogant Little Sinners. But they are falling over themselves, kicking
many buckets around and dousing themselves in cold water. Man, if it was known that people were that
gullible, the capitalist class would be making a killing. Hey, wait a minute, they ARE making a
killing. No wonder!
The Great Bucket above must see all this. Maybe it is time for a deluge…bucketfuls if
you like. Not water. Not ice.
Brain cells! The mediocrity of
this world is killing me. Help, dear Father of All Buckets, have pity on thy
children. They do not deserve this
unholy relationship you’ve forged for them with this species called
‘humans’. Liberate us. If you can’t, we might as well commit mass
suicide. Kick the humans, we ought to
call it.
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