26 January 2016

Kekirilanthaya condemns Senasinghe, warns of retaliation

The Foreign Minister of the Day (Kekirilanthaya) told Kekiri FM that his country takes offense at the recent statement by Sujeewa Senasinghe about the IT industry.  Senasinghe said that CEPA would enable Sri Lanka to use India’s IT know-how to challenge the USA. 

“What he’s essentially saying is that it is ok to get something from one country and use it against another.  This kind of economic terrorism only invites retaliation,” Foreign Minister I.T. Dot Komm said. 

When asked to elaborate, Mr Dot Komm said, “We could for example obtain Good Governance (GG) technology from the Congo and beat the shit out of Colombo’s GG and its GG Government.  After the proverbial beating by the madu-valigaya we will boil what’s left in Red Bull and force Sujeewa Senasinghe to drink it!”

And in other news related to Sri Lanka...

Kekirilanthaya would never issue ‘Parental Love’ licenses (unlike Sri Lanka)

Today’s President of Kekirilanthaya, Vivian Richards told Kekiri FM that his country would not replicate Sri Lanka’s move to issue ‘Parental Love’ licenses. 

The statement follows Sri Lankan President Maithripala Sirisena’s explanation regarding his son being in the Government delegation to the UN General Assembly.  Sirisena said ‘It’s all about a father’s love’.

“Here in Kekirilanthaya even Grade 3 students know the meaning of nepotism.  President Sirisena has turned what we would call abuse of privilege into a legal responsibility.  It will allow the children of all politicians to arrogate upon themselves their parent’s powers. What it means is that Sri Lanka did NOT elect a president on the 8th of January 2015, they elected THREE people, Maithripala Sirisena, Daham and Chathurika!”

Rev Gnanasara and President Sirisena would share a cell in Kekirilanthaya

Contempt of court is contempt of court.  If court decides that Rev Gnanasara was guilty, court can punish him.  And it’s not about Rev Gnanasara.  Everyone is equal before the law and Rev Gnanasara is not an exception.  And if people’s faith in the justice system needs to be maintained, then justice must be person-blind.  This is why court should move to arrest President Maithripala Sirisena immediately. 

But this is Sri Lanka and not Kekirilanthaya.

‘If it was Kekirilanthaya, that’s exactly what would have happened,” said the Justice Minister of the Day of that country, Ms Naithika Yukthi Sahagatha adding, ‘the next thing you’ll hear, at this rate, is that the President of Sri Lanka has gone to the Supreme Court, turned his back to the judges and lifted his sarong!’ 

Kekirilanthaya ready to tutor President Sirisena

Vipul Shantha Sannasgala, today’s Foreign Minister of neighboring Kekirilanthaya told Kekiri FM that his country is ready to teach President Maithripala Sirisena a thing or two about loving kindness as well as the true meaning of the term ‘nepotism’. 

“It is natural for fathers to love their sons, but fathers who are also good human beings will not be condescending to those men who do not have children.  There are many childless fathers and of course mothers who know and take care of children and who understand the love and caring that a parent showers on his or her child. 

“We heard that there are many men in Sri Lanka who do not have children.  Maybe President Sirisena didn’t even realize that he was insulting them.  He does tend to shoot his mouth.  He did that with the bra story and the one about cattle.  He is doing himself a disservice.  As a friendly, neighbouring country we would like to do whatever we can to make sure he doesn’t embarrass himself.

“For example, he thinks nepotism means family rule and family rule alone.  Someone should tell him this is not so.  Someone should tell him how to use the dictionary.  At this rate he might think that Good Governance is about some Mr Good taking on the task of governing the country.”