20 March 2016

Rajapaksas acquire "Standard & Poor's"

The following are 'stories' occasionally posted on Facebook under the gentle title, 'News Next from Kekirilanthaya

Rajapaksas acquire "Standard & Poor's"a: 
The 'negative' rating on Sri Lanka's outlook released by Standard & Poor's is a direct consequence of Mahinda Rajapaksa and his cronies acquiring the financial services company, political analysts opine. The move is to bring the Government into disrepute and has nothing to do with any kind of incompetence on the part of those who succeeded Rajapaksa.

Slaughter houses to be shut down, abattoirs to be arrested
Following the arrest of three persons who had "captured and killed an innocent eagle," action will be taken against all persons and establishments involved in the slaughter of any animal (e.g. cattle, pigs, poultry, goats).

Tigers to take Govt to court
The Tigers are set to take legal action against the Sirisena-Wickremesinghe Government for violation of the fundamental principle of 'equality' and facilitating cruelty. We reproduce below a media release on the subject:
"We understand that Rev Uduwe Dhammaloka Thero has been arrested for having kept a baby elephant as a pet. We have nothing against the elephant species, but we note with horror and dismay that the Police, relevant officials, NGO spokespersons and animal lovers have turned a blind eye to our plight. We have after all been kept a 'pets' by numerous politicians, NGO personalities, academics and journalists for years. We condemn this and have decided to take legal action. We intend to cite the President, Prime Minister, Foreign Minister Mangala Samarraweera, Opposition Leader R Sampanthan as well as several NGO personalities, academic and 'civil society' activists as respondents."

President Sirisena faces life imprisonment
President Vairee Sirisena might have to spend the rest of his life in jail, legal eagles opine, following the arrest of Rev Uduwe Dhammaloka Thero for 'keeping a baby elephant'. Legal sources wishing to remain anonymous expressed the view that Rev Dhammaloka only kept one baby elephant, but that President Sirisena was keeping hundreds of them and therefore punishment ought to be that many times harsher.

CBK names her mouth
By likening the Nelum Pokuna to a commode, former President, Chandrika Kumaratunga has effectively named her own mouth:  Nelum Pokuna.  Please connect the dots.