02 December 2014

A Kolombian’s worst nightmare

No, I didn’t even dream this would happen.  I had bet on Ranil.  No, not because I think he could beat Percy (yes, I am still hopeful that Mahinda would switch to his other name and come collect his Kolombian membership card); the opposition candidacy was his to give away.  There was talk of Karu and Sajith too.  Karu and Sajith are not exactly Kolombians, but they have acquired some Kolombian qualities that make it easier to pick them over Percy.  But Ranil, undoubtedly, is one of us. 

This is not about winning.  It is about there being something, someone, to make us feel hopeful for a while, let me be honest.  Ranil would have lost, but he could have had us raising a cheer until the Elections Commissioner announces that he’s lost. Again.  Well, goodbye to that!

So what do we have now?  A baiya or more correctly a yakko (Percy) being challenged by another yakko.  Now this Maithripala is not one of us.  Percy will not be one of us.  As of now it looks like Maithri is happy to play pawn to the one of Kolombians who ruined everything for us, Chandrika and Ranil.  Some might think that it doesn’t matter if people are crooks or traitors, thugs or pawns, but we Kolombians are big on appearances.  It’s hard to dress up Chandrika and Ranil, let’s say. 

The first signs are pretty dismal.  Sad, actually.  We had Chandrika being utterly condescending to Maithripala at that first (disastrous) press conference.  She stopped short of saying ‘he was one those who would have to enter from the back door and sit in the kitchen, one of those little boys who had to mop up the floor after one of us vomited.’  Only just, though. 

And now we have Maithripala running off to the Horagolla Walawwa at every turn.  Will he turn up at the next meeting clinging to Chandrika’s sari pota?  I am worried.  I am very worried.  This presidential candidate looks like he’s about to disappear among the garments of the lady.  He seems to be doing his best to look like a speck of dust that has somehow latched itself on to her big toe.   

It made me nostalgic for those days when it was a match among Kolombians.  There was Dudley and Sirima.  Sirima and JRJ.  Even Kobbekaduwa appeared Kolombian.  Premadasa wrecked the trend of course, but I was thrilled when we got another home-n-home affair when Ranil took on Chandrika in 1999.  That was fifteen long years ago.  How much longer are we supposed to wait?

Percy doesn’t look as though he’s going to shed the saatakaya.  Maithripala doesn’t look like he’s about to un-serf himself from the Grand Old Feudal Lady.  This election has already got so boring that I might even take the next flight to Bangkok.  Or just sleep through it.  No dream can be worse than this nightmare.  ‘Baiya vs Baiya’ or ‘Yakko vs Yakko’.  Never thought I would live to see the day.

Excuse me.  I need to puke. 

Other articles in this series:

*Everyone takes note.  Some keep notes.  Some in diaries and journals.  Some in their minds and hears.  Some of these are shared via email or on Facebook or blog; some are not.  Among these people are Kolombians, people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think.  This is the seventh in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'.