Malinda Words: Kolombians

Showing posts with label Kolombians. Show all posts

10 January 2019

21:00

By Malinda Words

In: Kolombianism, Kolombians

Colombo, Kolombianism, Kolombians and Wannabe Kolombians

The wine, cheese and grapes alone won't make you a Kolombian

Karl Marx, in ’The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Napoleon (‘Der 18te Brumaire des Louis Napoleon’), published originally in 1852 in Die Revolution, a monthly magazine in German published in New York, discusses France around the time of the coup in 1851 that brought Louis-Napoléon Bonaparte to power. It is a commentary of both political and social processes of the era. Interestingly, while Marx elegantly dissects the French peasantry, he desists from elaborating on the bourgeoisie, perhaps on account of the objectives of the essay, even though it is clear that it as as or more differentiated.

Marx, admittedly, has paid much more attention to detail and difference than most of his ardent followers who are wont to see things in black and white and therefore engage in much caricaturing, perhaps because they have a narrow understanding of ‘the dialectical’. On the other hand, that is not a trait that is peculiar to Marxists. False dichotomy is a global disease, probably birthed by the dictates of political expediency.

Recently, Subo De Zoysa made an interesting comment on my commentating predilections pertaining to Kolombians and others. He said, ‘when you write in English, you speak AT the Kolombians. When you write in Sinhala, you speak TO the people.’

My response was, ‘I write TO and AT all kinds of people, Kolombians included (even though they are not named in the TO-pieces, I admit).’ I should have added ‘In Sinhala and in English’. In any event, Subo got me thinking and I felt that a re-examination of the term would be interesting.

First, the term. My friend Kanishka Goonewardena prefers to call them ‘Colomboans’ for reasons of etymological propriety, but I find it harder on the tongue. So Kolombians it is. For now.

It’s shorthand, obviously. At first glance one might be tempted to think it refers to those who live in Colombo or else consider Colombo their home. No. Colombo can be cut (like the peasantry and bourgeoisie) along many lines. For example, there are over 500 slum communities within the municipal limits of Colombo and they are not the people I am talking about when I use the term ‘Kolombians’. In fact, neither would I say that those at the other end of the impoverished-affluent spectrum make up that community.

So who are the Kolumbians? Two observations, one a fairly decent political opinion and the other a rant, would help at this point. The first by S.W.R.D. Bandaranaike, a demagogue by all account even though he is unfairly named as the villain of the piece of inter-ethnic tensions (Tamil Nationalism preceded his flirtation with ‘Sinhala Only’). This is a slice of what he said SWRD at the inauguration of the Sri Lanka Freedom Party:

‘[There is a] feeling in the minds of some people that our freedom is not something that the people have obtained but one that a few individuals have succeeded in getting, and one therefore that is looked upon to a great extent as the private property of these individuals, the benefits of which should be chiefly enjoyed by them.

Now here’s something an ex TV presenter who calls says she’s a ‘Buddhist’ as opposed to a ‘Sinhala Buddhist’ recently wrote on Facebook. She is anti-Rajapaksa. Nothing wrong with that and one can even make excuses for the rabidity of her antipathies. The post was cheered by many. Few among those living in Colombo and who shared her political preferences saw reason to object. That says a lot. Anyway, the following are relevant excerpts from the post, addressed to, in her words, ‘ALL those bloody lowlife guttersnipe Baiyas who can’t mind their own damn business’:

‘YES! I am a Walawe Hamu because I come from one of the oldest and wealthiest landowning Govigami families in Galle- Dias Nagahawatte. My mother is a Radala Kandyan- Thalgodapitiya. You, ill bred lowlife Biyas can ask your master, Mahinda Rajapaksa for more details of my family…

‘YES! I am not fluent in Sinhala because from the day I was born English is the language I heard as it was the language my parents used to communicate. Hence I regard English as my mother tongue…..I DO NOT need to apologize for my excellent command of the English language.

‘YES! I am a Buddhist who follows the Buddhist philosophy and NOT the fake racist religion - Sinhala Buddhism - you Baiyas follow.’

She has, inter alia, referred to her friendship with Arjuna Mahendran, who she believes is ‘a gentleman par excellence.’ Nothing wrong in friendship. Nothing wrong in considering English her mother tongue. She certainly doesn’t have to apologize for command of any language. However, as a proclaimed Buddhist ‘who follows the Buddhist philosophy’ she might do well to reflect on the Four Sublime States (sathara brahma viharana), namely unconditional love, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity, and test the validity of her claim in terms of rhetoric and practice.

How is this relevant to the definition of a Kolombian? Well, first, it resonates well with SWRD’s claim (even though he could have laid out similar credentials which, his family has not shied away from asserting on occasion, in word and deed). It’s the condescension, folks. It’s the allusion to and illusion of some kind of birthright.

A comment to this woman’s post reveals the general mindset (names have been expunged for obvious reason): ‘That’s what I say - whether u live in the village or town -THE BREED SHOWS. Bost of the baiayas who hv been attacking you - their ancestors may perhaps hv been from the class yr parents would hv employed as servants. Thanks to free education & the “shishtathvaya” - as well as the districtwise selection for universities - some may be in comfortable jobs, donned in western attire - but their breed is from the gutter.’ [Note: this is a faithful transcription of a screen shot of the comment, inclusive of language error, e.g. ‘shishtathvaya’ instead of ‘shishyathvaya’ (scholarship exam)].

Neither the high caste, self-proclaimed ‘Buddhist’ nor any of her cheerleaders thought fit to object. This stuff is familiar and old: west is good, what’s not is bad; those of the lower classes/castes are gutter-bred’ and should also shut up.

My contention is that it is these kind of people who make up (or were misled by) the Funded-Voices, Born-Again Democrats and Candlelight Ladies who emerged from the woodworks lately, eyes wide open to misdeeds of their cultural ‘others’ but ‘eyes wide shut’ over the misdeeds of tribe-members (yes, Kolombians are a tribe and Kolombianism is tribalist, as much or worse than the brand of tribalism displayed by, say, the Bodu Bala Sena). They would shed copies tears of Lasantha Wickramatunage, Thajudeen and Ekneligoda (because it serves a political purpose) but are ignorant of Ranjithan Gunaratnam and some 60,000 others ‘disappeared’ during the UNP-JVP bheeshanaya (because such commemoration does not have a political purpose).

How does one talk TO such people? If talking AT such people could result in civilized debate and discussion, then of course there is a case for doing so; my hunch is it would be a waste of time.

That said, there are people in Colombo (and even outside the shanty-communities in Colombo 7 and Colombo 3) who share with many who belong to ‘the other’ so derived in the Facebook post and comments thereto referred to above healthy notions of equality, civility and respect for difference. Their silent is worrisome of course, but that’s another matter. They are not Kolombians, in the sense in which I use the term.

It is also important to note that just as there are Kolombians, there are also Kolombian Wannabes. They want to feel, like Rosy Senanayake, that Colombo ‘is the heart of the nation’. They would even say ‘Colombo IS Sri Lanka’ if they feel that would help them obtain Kolombian membership. However, it’s not that easy.

A few years ago, I wrote a satirical piece titled ‘Shortcuts to being a Kolombian’. A summary follows: 1) It’s not about where you are located but how you locate yourself, 2) Fluency in English is a must, 3) Adopting practices is important, not just dress and obtaining membership of certain clubs and circles but echoing Kolombian cheers and sneers (e.g. jeering those who don’t know English and who don’t get the accent right, and cheering those who ridicule such yakkos or baiyyas and act as though everything written, said and sung in Sinhala or Tamil, by ‘definition’, is inferior and worthy only of contempt), 4) Ridiculing and dismissing as inferior or stupid things not said said/written in English or borrowed/derived from Europe and North America.

So, some have membership, others do not. Some want it but will not get it. Some resent it. Some consider it hilarious. The important thing is to understand that not all Kolombians are from Colombo and neither is everyone in Colombo a Kolombian.

Other articles on Kolombians and Kolombians:

15 June 2015

11:21

By Malinda Words

In: Kolombia, Kolombians, Mangala Samaraweera, Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian

3 comments

The Anti-Mangala Brigade should get a life!

Rain and Mangala had headaches. They still have headaches. Mangle certainly does not deserve them!

The Foreign Ministry has acknowledged that the minister, Mangala Samaraweera, had indeed met with representatives of the Global Tamil Forum (GTF) while in London. There have been howls emanating from certain quarters over this meeting. It’s the usual story about compromising national security, betraying the memory of the thousands who laid down their lives to rid the country of the terrorist menace and poking his fingers in things not relevant to his ministry. YAWN!

What’s wrong, people? Don’t you now what’s what about this country? What’s wrong with some Sinhala people hobnobbing with some Tamil people in the former Mother Country (the new one for the newly initiated is the United States of America). But let’s get to that later. First things first.

The first thing is an old idiom. Old habits die hard. ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ is another version of this. To understand why this is ‘ok’ you have to understand the man. Mangala was always friendly with the LTTE. From the time he was Mahinda’s campaign manager according to some, and even before if you consider that he was always Chandrika’s blue-eyed boy (and we all know about how Eelamists were mollycoddled by her!).

There are many ways to be their friend. First and foremost you have to worship that Maoist dictum, ‘My enemy’s enemy is my friend’. You know who Mangala hates so you can easily understand why he’s friend to GTF types. And then you can also find ‘friendship’ in commonality of positions taken. In post-LTTE Sri Lanka where Eelam is a bit too unrealistic, federalism is a fall-back option. So Eelamists have to wave the devolution flag. Guess who else waves it!

But these are trivialities, friends.

The most important objection to those who object to Mangala downing whisky and sharing a cigar with the Tiger Rump is that we are all beholden to the superior race, we are second-class, second-rate and what have you to Mr and Mrs White.

Those who are howling in protest need a reality check. Those of us who know what’s what have realized that being Brown Sahib is best. That’s a Kolombian article of faith. That’s how we got to run this country. That’s why we can look down on the riffraff and have a good laugh when they think this is a sovereign country. We only have conditional sovereignty and the condition is that Kolombians can lord it over the rest.

The GTF knows this. Mangala also knows this. Why else do they go on bended knees to the Dog House of the White House at the drop of a hat? Mangala (and of course his de facto papa and mama, Ranil and Chandrika respectively) knows that anyone and everyone who has pride about this country’s past is a moron totally out of touch with reality. The GTF knows this too. That’s why they prefer fiction to truth, legends and myths to history. That’s why they talk of exclusive traditional homelands that never existed. That’s why they are located outside Sri Lanka. Smart dudes.

So there’s nothing wrong with Mangala meeting them. This is a Kolombian government. Ranil

is the boss. He is our boy. Mangala is also our boy. They are enlightened individuals. They know what they are about.

02 June 2015

08:30

By Malinda Words

In: Kolombia, Kolombians, Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian, Vasudeva Nanayakkara

2 comments

Kolombians are defined by the F-Word, Comrade Vasu please take note

Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much. They have things to say. A lot of things to say. The entire country can learn from them. This is the twenty ninth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'. Scroll down for other articles in this series.

Comrade Vasu is an unrepentant Socialist. I think he still considers himself a Marxist and perhaps even a Trotskyite. He’s an unrepentant kind of guy. That’s why he is refusing to say sorry for using the P Word on Ranil. Bandula Gunawardena in trying to save Vasu the blushes has made things worse but that’s another story. Let’s focus instead on Vasu, the P Word and its inherent poverty.

Vasu defined himself in a non-Marxist or rather out-of-Marx kind of way when he used the P Word. No, he didn’t define himself to be a crude kind of person for cuss words are used by one and all, gentlemen and otherwise, Kolombians and non-Kolombians. He defined himself as someone who is not and will never be a Kolombian. It’s simple. The P Word is never used by us. We are F-Word people. Not P****** but F******.

Just imagine a Kolombian gathering, let’s say at a corporate board meeting. People get upset sometimes. They lose their tempers. They vent out their frustrations. They spew out cuss words. They will toss out four letter words left and right. You might hear F-off, F-them, F-it, F-you Mother-effer etc., etc. All that is OKAY. But if someone wants to use the P-Word or the H-Word for that matter he or she would immediately be censured with an audible ‘Shhhhhhh’, disapproving frowns from the more polite and eventually lose standing in the K-Community.

That’s a fundamental difference between Us and Them. We think it’s ok to swear but the swearing must in in English. English cuss words are somehow not as vulgar-sounding as Sinhala cuss words. That’s probably indicative of cultural superiority, I am convinced. We can eff things up anyway we want and therefore we can say it too. That’s culture. That’s civilization. That’s class. No disjuncture between word and deed, no contradiction.

Non-Kolombians of the P-Word using kind do it when they are really, really angry or when they are drunk. They don’t use the P-Word as verb (transitive and intransitive), noun, adjective etc., etc. The P-Word, in short, lacks the linguistic versatility of the F-Word. If you want to check out the power of the F-Word, google ‘Osho + F***’. He spells it out beautifully. The word can describe pain, pleasure, hatred and love, Osho points out. Effing-beautifully, I might add. But if you are too effing-lazy to do that just think of all the ways in which the adjective form can be used: It’s effing fantastic, he (Vasu) is effing crazy, they are so effing innocent. You get the effing point, right?

The P-word just doesn’t do it. The F-Word empowers. The P-Word is ungainly, it is crude and indicative of a primitive mind set. The F-Word is the last word on culture. We are Effing-Kolombians. That should say it all. Comrade Vasu, please take note.

27 May 2015

07:44

By Malinda Words

In: Kolombia, Kolombians, Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian

2 comments

Kolombianism = Cameronism

Cameron the Colombian tells 'Human Rights' to eff-off

David Cameron’s Tories were re-elected. Hurray! I am all for conservatives and conservatism (expect when it comes to forests — the sustainable development of profit demands that we brush aside tree huggers and other such riffraff). So yes, let me say it again: HURRAY!

What was most interesting about the UK elections, however, is not that David and his boys and girls won. No. What is significant is what it will do to human rights in that country. David promised to scrap those silly notions and replace it with some vague lines about citizens’ rights or something.

Now there’s a lesson in this for us. David knows that he has a huge problem to deal with. Terrorism. There’s was the Al Qaeda and now there’s the ISIS. So David thinks ahead. Maybe he has learned something from Sri Lanka’s experience, maybe he has not. What counts is that he is thinking straight. And he’s thinking ahead.

Simply, he doesn’t want to be in a situation where he has rule books thrown in his face. No human rights laws means no violations, because you can only trip over existing traps. In Sri Lanka’s case, there were and are human rights laws. So even if there were no violations or nothing so serious as to warrant international inquiry or censure, the book can be thrown provided of course you set it all up in the media.

David doesn’t want to deal with the hassle. Yes, that word is right. It’s not that the grandmasters of non-violence, co-existence, tree-hugging and love like the USA will buttonhole David if he were to slip up. Friends don’t do that to friends. Friends didn’t do that to friends when friends invaded Iraq on a pretext and illegally. Still, David doesn’t want to take chances. I call that smart.

This is the difference between that country and Sri Lanka. It is also the difference between Kolombians and non-Kolombians. The smart guys know the laws. If the laws are inconvenient the smart ones (read, Kolombians) will get rid of them. If you can’t get rid of the laws, you will find ways to get around them. And you’ll do it in a way that you won’t be caught even later.

And it is not only about laws, breaking them and getting away with it. It’s about all things. Like the 100 Days Program. We are into the second 100 days but no one minds. Kolombians were pretty sure that no one will mind. Take the promises. No 20th amendment, no Right to Information Act, no Code of Conduct for MPs. And on top of that Ranil and other Kolombians are acting as though they have already set up heaven on earth! That’s class. Upper Class. You could call it Kolombian Style. Is anyone checking the prices of those 11 items that our Ravi Boy picked for a price-slash? No! That’s the beauty of it. You give and take and then you get people to say ‘Thank you so much!’ Like banks. Yes, you can say it’s money in the bank. Sure thing.

It is all about making a hue and cry over things. We grill the likes of Basil, Gota, Sajin and Dilith, but Arjuna and Arjun we let be. We won’t utter a word about the cute moves by Lalith K. Now don’t be surprised if his lady love arrives to raucous applause one of these days.

We are just mimicking David. It is something only we can do. Non-Kolombians cannot do it. Well, they can’t even begin to understand.

Human rights, did they say? What human rights What humans? What rights? These are the kinds of questions that David and others will ask if any rambunctious idiot dares talk about human rights once they sock it to those terrorists or whoever they think doesn’t fit into David’s kind of Britain. Kolombianism stamped all over it. Yes, you could cll it Cameronism. I feed proud!

20 May 2015

13:53

By Malinda Words

In: Gotabhaya Rajapaksa, Kolombia, Kolombians, Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian

6 comments

Gota confuses the hell out of Kolombians

Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say. A lot of things to say. The entire country can learn from them. This is the twenty eighth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'. Scroll down for other articles in this series.

As I have said before I didn’t mind Mahinda that much. In fact at one point when it seemed like he was Ruler for Life I even recommended that he be made an honorary Kolombian, provided of course that he dropped ‘Mahendra’ for his other and much-better sounding name ‘Percy’. Gota was different.

To begin with it would be hard to come up with a name so un-Kolombian as ‘Gotabhaya’. On the other hand Gota obviously felt for us. He turned what was a squalor-ridden, slum-infested glorified township into what could legitimately be called a garden city. He even managed to ‘upgrade’ the slums into apartment complexes. He made sure however that they would look at best like poor relatives of the luxury condominiums peopled by Kolombians. That’s class. Class that is almost Kolombian. Almost, but not quite.

So when this talk of arresting him came up, I was in two minds. The perverse part of me was naturally happy that a non-Kolombian was in hot water. He was crude in the way he dealt with his detractors. Threatening editors, using his brotherly connections to get things done etc was hardly ‘Kolombian’ in character. We do things with finesse; do things in a way that desired outcomes are obtained but so that no one notices who did it or how. We laugh all the way to the bank.

The gentleman in me, however, was upset. Gota did a lot for us. I walk on Gota-walkways, gaze on Gota-beautified cityscapes, invest and reap rewards in a Gota-cleared, terrorist-free land, after all.

It was all very confusing. I didn’t like him being hauled to the Bribery Commission but was put off by the riff-raff that turned up to protest Gota being questioned. They were not Kolombians and they’ve not done anything for us.

Even now, a part of me is happy that the Supreme Court stopped Gota being arrested, but the other part of me is upset that this non-Kolombian is being treated with kids’ gloves. He may have looked after our interests but then again he wasn’t ready to take orders from us.

The other problem in Gota-less Kolombia is the issue of upkeep. What was spick and span under Gota has lost some of the sparkle. It makes me wonder if Ranil is really calling the shots or worse whether Ranil is at heart anti-Kolombia.

What really worried me is that there was this voice inside that kept whispering disturbing things to me. I heard it say, ‘things were better with Gota around’. I ignored. Then it came up with this worrisome idea ‘maybe Gota will come back’. Got me thinking. Was the interim order by the Supreme Court staying Gota’s arrest some kind of ‘deal’? No insult to the learned judges of course; they would surely understand my concerns considering the way things have happened in this country under the Rajapaksas and yes, even under Maithripala when Presidential powers were used to sack, reinstate, facilitate resignation and appoint judges to the Supreme Court.

Is this some kind of deal where Maithri offers the premiership to Gota (as Mahinda’s proxy) so that everyone is happy, the SLFP obtains unity and the UNP is shown the door? That question makes me want to wring Gota’s neck, never mind the walkways, the beautiful city and a terrorism free land that makes it easier for us to make our bucks earn more bucks.

I don’t want OUR guys out. Sure, they are no better, no worse, but the thing about commonality is that it gives comfort. Kolombians need to have Kolombians running Kolombia. ‘Seeming to run Kolombia’ is the icing on the cake. We all have a sweet tooth and our sweet teeth have been denied for a long time. A few months is hardly compensation.

When Mahinda, after losing, looked like making a comeback I wasn’t worried. He can be dealt with. Gota is a different kettle of fish. He confuses. He worries.