It is good to be conscious of nudities ~ Malinda Words

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I’ve heard people give crisp, clear instructions or orders. Commands which are delivered with a tone so insistent that the threatening words ‘or else…’ need not be uttered. These are common in hierarchical relationships, an extreme version of which is evidenced by the recipient's classic rationale for compliance, ‘It’s not ours to reason why, it is but ours to do and die.’

Then there are directives which, for the sake of appearances, have to be kept polite. A bit like ‘friendly’ countries coming to the aid of other countries in crisis. It allows attached strings to be made invisible. It’s like conditions that are not always stated but are insisted on with a friendly pat before ‘bailouts’ that ensure entrenched servility are rolled out.

They sound like suggestions, well-meaning advice which the receiver may or may not accept at no cost. They begin with ‘you may want to…’. I’ve mostly heard it from Americans of the United States. Sometimes there’s genuine concern and not even an iota of ill-intent. Not always. At other times, the subtext says, ‘you had better…’

There is nothing wrong in giving advice. Indeed, that’s almost a given among friends and, depending on how strong the friendship is, you can retire niceties and even bark out that which you insist the other people should do. Typically, such commands are taken in the right spirit. No ill-intention and none perceived. All good.

And then there are instructions that are overbearing simply because the instructor whether or not he or she is qualified to toss pearls of wisdom or, indeed, whether or not he or she has pearls of wisdom to toss nevertheless proceed to insist, order and command.

There are at least two words that get in the way of civilised discussion where every opinion is considered and can only be shelved by alternatives that are better substantiated or are backed by superior logic and not just eloquence-frills: ‘must’ and ‘should.’

You must. You should. Such phrases often carry the unspoken rider, ‘I know better than you.’ Put another way, ‘you don’t know.’ And this too, ‘you are not qualified to suggest anything.’ Or this: ‘I am superior, I know; therefore no further discussion is warranted — just do as I say.’ Big-brotherly. Condescending. Presumptuous.

We all do it to various degrees. The problem is, we do it in the case of subjects we don’t have the requisite expertise in. We do it without any qualifications, any riders, without caveats, without brackets. And we expect compliance and even sometimes expect wild applause. Indeed, if what we receive is silence, we assume agreement. We don’t consider the possibility that the silent may have drawn some conclusions; for example, ‘discussion is not possible because there’s simply an absence of respect for a contending opinion,’ or ‘the Know-All does not seem to understand that no one knows all and that know-all claims indicate the inevitable handicap of blinders.’

There’s an illustrative analogy.

All that one person knows is but a grain of sand compared to the universe that is the sum total of human knowledge. The sum total of human knowledge is like a grain of sand in comparison to the universe of things yet unknown.

How then can anyone who is less than omniscient make grand claims about anything outside of say the most trivial such as ‘the sun rises from the East,’ or ‘if you jump up, you will most certainly be pulled down by gravity.’

Musts and shoulds or, put another way, must-nots and should-nots subvert conversations, disrupt collectives; they create and affirm unnecessary hierarchies.

There’s a saying in Urdu which, if acknowledged and allowed to inform practice, political and otherwise, perhaps provides a way out of the labyrinth of arrogance in which well-meaning activists and activism get lost: Iss hammam meiN sab nangey haiN. It means, I am told, ‘in the bathtub everyone is naked.’ I am sure there are equivalent sayings in other countries, other cultures, and other communities.

We can cover ourselves with garments, accessories, tattoos, frills, fine language and impressive curriculum vitae, but we know what’s underneath. Others know too. Only, we think we are clothed and others naked. And that, perhaps, is what stops us from deploying what is perhaps one of the most potent instruments of collective action and of course more wholesome engagement with life even as individuals, namely humility.

And we wonder how, when and why our well-meaning struggles floundered and were buried. It would be more honest to say at the get go, ‘look, you are stupid and I am wise, so just shut up and listen to me.’ The room, physical or virtual, will quickly be emptied. The humble, those aware of fallibility and endowed with the will to learn will then have the space to re-gather in less toxic countries and engage in meaningful conversation and action.

Bottom line: it’s good to be conscious of nudities. Of all kinds.

['The Morning Inspection' is the title of a column I wrote for the Daily News from 2009 to 2011, one article a day, Monday through Saturday. This is a new series. Links to previous articles in this new series are given below]

10 April 2023

It is good to be conscious of nudities

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