Maithripala's victory: the yakkos did it (for us)!

And in the end guess who is home and laughing?  

Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say.  A lot of things to say.  The entire country can learn from them. This is the thirteenth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'.  Scroll down for other articles in this series. 

What a feeling!  That’s what I felt when the results came.  Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I didn’t like Mahinda Rajapaksa.  I loved and still love the guy, never mind the fact that he didn’t use his middle name, Percy, and thereby qualify for Kolombian citizenship.  We would have gladly given it.  He gave us a lot.  Only, he overdid it. 

He tried to democratize privileges to the point that us Kolombians would have been obliterated by what might be called Nationalization of Kolombianness.  We didn’t like that one bit.  You see we must not only have the wealth and plush lifestyles, others have to be poor and look it for us to be relevant.  The way Mahinda was going, even if we continued to call the shots, others might have started resembling us.  We can’t have that now, can we? 

Anyway, he’s out now.  And by a strange quirk of fate our boy, yes OUR BOY, rosy-cheeked, full-blooded Kolombian, much vilified (and for very valid reasons too!), Ranil Wickremesinghe is back.  He’s the boss. After almost 11 years, we have a Kolombian ruling this country.

Wait, did I hear someone say ‘but I thought it was Maithripala Sirisena who defeated Mahinda and became President’?  Ok, let me deal with that little knot right away. 

I’ve heard people say that Maithripala won a mandate to govern, that he won the confidence of the electorate.  I’ve heard people argue that it is neither legal nor ethical to transfer peoples’ mandates.  They ask for example, ‘if Ranil commands the trust and support of the majority why didn’t he contest?’  I ask them in turn, ‘well m’dearies haven’t you heard of something called coup-d’etat?’

Don’t get me wrong, I was not even vaguely interested in the election. I knew that we will remain in charge at the end of the day.  The performance of the so-called ‘left’ parties had me chuckling, because it confirmed that we will be in charge for years to come.  Of course I was worried because it looked less like Ranil’s show (or for that matter Maithripala’s show) than something totally orchestrated by Champika Ranawaka and Rev Athureliye Rathana.  Watch out for those guys, I say!   Anyway, I went to Galle on the 8^th and feasted on ‘avocado prawns’.  That’s how much of a yawn the whole thing was for me. 

But now that it’s done, it’s like a bonus for the Kolombians.  We have our man on top.  The picture is complete.  And if you don’t believe me, ask Eric Solheim.  He’s had multiple orgasms or at least he’s tweeting as though that’s what has happened.  ‘Ranil is head of government,’ the man says.   Yes of course!  Who says democracy is about government by the people, for the people and with the people?  In this fair land of ours, the only kind of democracy that makes sense to us is this kind, in other words, ‘Government by Ranil, for the Kolombians, with Maithripala’; the last as a matter of courtesy, nothing more. 

I can’t get over it, man.  And look at the cabinet.  Full of Old Royalists and Ravi K at the top.  Someone had asked ‘what qualifications does he have to be Finance Minister?’  Someone else had said ‘well, he screwed up SATHOSA and that’s almost like a PhD!’  Spot on!  A true Kolombian overseeing our profit concerns.   We really needed someone who would kick non-Kolombians in their sorry guts.  Ravi has what it takes. 

And finally, no, I repeat, ‘no’, I don’t feel any pity for the sorry yakkos who were fooled into believing that they were electing Maithripala.  If you are that dumb, you have to pay for it, suckers! 

So I sign off with that Gene Autry song ringing in my head, ‘Back in the saddle again.’  Giddiyup Ranil, ride hard boy!

Other articles in this series:

Have a free lunch on Election Day

Shortcuts to becoming a Kolombian 
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway! 
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos 

Kolombia and Kolombians all the way!