18 February 2015

If rice is too expensive, eat cake yako!

Pic courtesy www.justasiam.wordpress.com 
Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say.  A lot of things to say.  The entire country can learn from them. This is the seventeenth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'.  Scroll down for other articles in this series. 

Those who thought that lunacy was defeated along with Mahinda need to think again.  The other day someone forwarded me a complaint of sorts posted on Facebook, clearly by one of those people who sorely need a brain implant.  I got my driver, who has passed the A/L to translate for me.  This is the complaint:
When Johnny was in charge of Sathosa (that’s the CWE, he translated for me and it took a while to figure what that meant) Samba Rice was Rs 60/kg while White Rice was Rs 55.  Today you can’t get any rice for less than Rs 90/kg and Sathosa only has Keeri Samba which is priced at Rs 117/kg.  Back then when 500g of carrots sold at Rs 80, Sathosa sold it at Rs 50.  Today 500g of carrots sell at Rs 200.  There are no vegetable being sold at Sathosa. 

Clearly whoever posted these facts is missing the bus by quite a margin.  First of all they don’t seem to have understood the election result.  Mahinda didn’t lose. They didn’t lose.  The Kolombians won.  It’s not the same thing.  True, we always win whatever the outcome, but this time we got a bonus of actually having our Kolombians running things for us – much better than having yakkos doing it for us. 

Sure there’s this issue of lowering the price of bread which none of us are exactly cheering since it allows yakko kids to have sliced bread sandwiches are thereby claim to be equal to Kolombambinos, but that aside, this rice price hike is something that had to happen. 

What our rice-eating non-Kolombians (who unfortunately we have to share this island with) don’t get is that rice is old fashioned.  We’ve always been on a mission to get it off our national plate. 

Our beloved conquerors destroyed all the reservoirs they could find.  Hit the tank, hit the stomach and the rest is a piece of cake was how they reasoned.  We, Kolombians, their legitimate successors naturally felt that it was a good strategy.  Successive Kolombian decision-makers (and mind you, D.S. was not one of them – Banda was, but that’s another story) have gone out of their way to get this done. 

JR started things rolling with his liberalization. By the time Chandrika came along it was in full swing.  The entire agricultural research apparatus was decentralized into oblivion.  I’ve heard that our rice-eating ancestors (idiots all of them) had developed thousands of varieties to fit different soil, climate and weather conditions but you won’t find any of our grainwashed (and ‘brainwashed’ too I might add) professors in any of the agriculture departments in any of our universities encouraging students to write undergraduate dissertations on traditional rice varieties.  Why?  Simple.  We’re serious about this get-out-of-rice business. 

So why should anyone even question our man Ravi Karunanayake (who is merely continuing the good work he started 13 years ago when he launched his destroy-sathosa-crusade, as someone pointed out) when he’s only implementing a centuries old plan to strengthen the position of the true owners of this island, the Kolombians?