Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say. A lot of things to say. The entire country can learn from them. This is the eighteenth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'. Scroll down for other articles in this series.
There are many things that distinguish us Kolombians, things
that separate us from the riff-raff, the yakkos, the baiyas or whatever you
might want to call them. One of the most
important but least acknowledged marks of distinction is our ability to resist
all temptations to trust politicians.
Yakkos on the other hand are marked by an embarrassing penchant for
believing anything and everything that a politician says, even if he/she has
lied and got caught lying before.
Take for example all the grand promises made by the
Maithripala-Ranil campaign. Well, first
of all, the yakkos believed it was a ‘Maithripala campaign’. The most alert among the yakkos thought it
was a ‘Maithripala-Ranil’ campaign but we knew better. It was a Ranil-Maithripala campaign and even
the dumbest of dumb yakkos must know this by now. Anyway, to get back to our point, the yakkos
not only paid a lot of attention to the campaign promises, the lengthy, convoluted
and full-of-contradictions manifesto, and the 100 Day Program, they actually
believed that Ranil (well, in their eyes, Maithripala) was serious about
it.
To be honest there were weak moments when I too worried that
Ranil actually believed some of the things he said and was serious about his
promises. I was relieved when Ravi
completely hoodwinked the wide-eyed, rice-eating yakkos who were murmuring
‘maithreepaalanaya…maithripaalanaya’ as though it was a mantra. He showed his class with the budget. If he can sell nothing as though it was
everything he’s my main man, a Kolombian through and through. He’s so smart that he can take wickets with
no-balls, delivering from half way down the pitch without the umpires, batsmen,
the third umpire or even the cameras noticing.
If I had my way I would get Lasith Malinga to feign injury and ship good
old Ravi the Allrounder to New Zealand.
I got carried way, sorry.
Blame it on euphoria, folks. I am
thrilled. All doubts have been
cleared. Ravi wasn’t about to throw baby
with bathwater. Neither was Ranil. No, not even Maithripala will flush a good
thing down the tube. A good thing for
us Kolombians, that is. Assuming he has
half the whatnots that Mahinda had of course.
With Mahinda one could never be sure but even he didn’t let us
down. The particular baby I am talking
about here is the Port City. I was for a
moment worried that the baby would be tossed out with Contract Bathwater, but
no, we will have the bathwater and the baby.
What’s important about letting the project roll on has
nothing to do with the virtues of the project itself. What’s important is the signal: this
Government won’t change anything. The
more things remain the way they are the better it is for Kolombians.
Hurray!
Shortcuts to becoming a Kolombian
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
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