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| Whose side is MTV on, the Kolombians or the Yakkos? |
Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say. A lot of things to say. The entire country can learn from them. This is the twentieth in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'. Scroll down for other articles in this series.
Criticism is an integral part of democracy and a (said to
be) free society, I agree. Kolombia is not a democracy though and I’ll
be damned if we ever become one. We are
not a free society because in this society there are Kolombians and there are
those other guys, the riff-raff, the yakkos,
the baiyas or the
watchamacallits. It is about us, not
them. Period.
We don’t like bad news – bad news about us or the guys that
take care of things on our behalf, that is.
This is why I think these fontline guys and the JVP should be
banned. They are an envious bunch. They are not Kolombians and they can never
aspire to being Kolombians either. So
they hate us. So they vilify us.
Just the other day, I saw a JVP poster and it was like a
bullet that hit me between the eyes. I
almost ran into the car ahead of me. I
just lost control. The poster wanted
people to protest ‘the government that protects crooks’. Maybe they thought that Ranil and Co were
serious about a) catching crooks and b) putting in place mechanisms to prevent
theft, but naiveté is their problem, not ours.
There are no rewards for believing crap.
If you are a sucker, then you open yourself to being suckered. You can cry your eyes out, but you won’t find
me feeling sorry for you. Sorry.
Look, this country has always been about Kolombians having
their way. We are an
any-which-way-we-can and a by-all-means-necessary community. We didn’t like the Rajapaksas because they cut
in on our action. We don’t mind our guys
doing stuff because we believe it is the Kolombian Birthright, nothing
less. Now that it’s Ranil and the Boys,
it’s our game, baby.
If say the Central Bank Governor, an Old Royalist by the
way, or the Minister of Finance (another Old Royalist) are interested in giving
a helping hand to a fellow Kolombian, that’s ok by us. If you have a problem with that, hard luck
baby. If they want to help sons-in-law
or brothers or sisters of themselves, that’s ok by us, alright?
Now the JVP and these Fontline people seem to think that
True Blue (and Gold) Kolombians keeping the same crooks who thrived under the
Rajapaksas and letting them benefit from the same old tricks is wrong. Well, we beg to disagree. It is not about wrongs. It is about the identity of the
beneficiaries. It’s high time these
loud-mouthed riff-raff learnt the truth about Sri Lankan politics. It’s the same with Rakna Lanka and Avant
Garde Maritime Services. They are above board, ok? They are above board because we say they
are. We have are reasons and they are
none of your business!
The Fontline people are upset about Maithripala favoring the
drug-traffickers (‘pharmaceutical industry’ is what they call their gang). There’s absolutely nothing wrong here. Drug-trafficking is legit, as far as
Kolombians are concerned or rather as long as it concerns Kolombians. The Fontline people are now talking about
some Senaka Bibile. Senaka, who, I beg
your pardon?
So yes, we’ll make a big song and dance about the tiny fish
out there, but we will make sure that our guys, i.e. the big fish get to swim
free. Sashi is not a Kolombian, in case
you were wondering. Ranil is our
man. Ravi is our man. Arjuna Mahendran is ours too. Wijedasa is from Hambantota, true, but he’s a
Wannabe Kolombian. Wannabe Kolombians
are the best kind of serfs. They’ll do
anything to get Kolombian citizenship.
We let them believe that they might actually get it one day because that
way they will not do anything to mess things up for us.
So if the JVP and these Fontline people are upset about
election promises and the creation of false hopes, they should do a reality
check. They should read up on the
history of this country. This country’s
history, especially over the last 60 years or so is about Kolombia and
Kolombians. We’ve had a few setbacks, we
admit, but we are back in the saddle again.
We are up and running. We are laughing.
Don’t talk to us about corruption. Don’t talk to us about
wrongdoing. Don’t talk to us about nepotism.
Don’t talk to us about transparency and accountability. We have outlawed all those monsters. They don’t have a place in Kolombia and never
had either. They are not tolerated in
Ranil’s cabinet.
This is our time, baby.
Get used to it.
Shortcuts to becoming a Kolombian
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
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