The clothes we wear and the clothes that wear us (down) ~ Malinda Words

More than 40 years ago, a student around 15 or 16 years of age, made a rather unkind observation about a cricket coach. The said coach, referred to as ‘Colonel,’ was a no-nonsense, expressionless man who used words sparingly. The boys were not necessarily in awe of the man although his cricketing and coaching credentials were excellent.

Before we get to the comment, let me relate a side story that might shed light on his character and coaching methods.

Colonel was in the position of the head umpire, as typical of many coaches. There were two batsmen out in the middle. A field had been set. The others were beyond the boundary line, watching the proceedings.

The batsman on strike glanced a delivery on the leg stump towards fine leg. Neither batsman needed to call the run. They ran. As the striker approached the bowler’s end, he shouted, ‘turn back.’

'Colonel' stopped play then and there. He called out to everyone, including the spectators. Here’s the gist of what he said.

Addressing the striker first, he said, ‘You said “turn back” without knowing where the ball was and what was happening behind you.’ He didn’t have to say that the other batsman may have slipped, the throw might have come in quicker than he thought or list other possible developments. The boys understood.

Addressing the entire group he said, ‘There are only three calls: yes, no and wait.’

Back to the incident. And the comment: ‘Colonel has no personality.’

To this day I don’t know how this boy understood ‘personality.’ Maybe screaming and shouting, endless chatter, a few jokes and guffaws was what he equated (good) personality to. To this day I don’t know if he heard what one of the other boys said, softly. I heard and remember: ‘personality should not be judged by outward appearance.’

‘Real men wear real clothes,’ is a tagline used by a popular and flourishing men’s clothing outfit. What do other men wear, I wondered when I saw this line. What’s ‘real clothing’ and who are ‘real men’?

There’s always the ‘out’ of convention. There’s always ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do.’ How did Romans decide to be the Romans they came to be, though? Preferences can and do change. Preferences are constructed too. That’s how convention, typically, is wrought.

We have all seen invitations for weddings and other events that come with ‘dress code.’ Out of respect for the host, we comply. There are dress codes that are not written down anywhere, but we abide by them. ‘Sunday best to church,’ we’ve heard. White to temple on Poya day. Remove headwear and footwear when entering certain places of worship, this too we know.

In Sri Lanka, a tropical country, we wear coats and ties at times, even to work places uninsured against the heat. To each his or her preference is a decent and civilised prescription, though. But sometimes we do notice disapproval, disdain or even outright horror when a dress code is considered to have been violated. ‘Good for that, but not for this; good over there but not here,’ is said or else is apparent in expression.

I’ve experienced all this first hand. ‘You look nice’ or ‘that shirt looks nice,’ I’ve been told, and I tell myself, ‘at other times I don’t look nice and my other shirts are considered ugly.’ A dear friend wanted me to ‘dress well’ for a particular occasion. I didn’t wear the crumpled white shirt that has been over-worn to the point of discoloration that she had once seen me in. It had a couple of holes. My sandals I was wearing were broken and the denim trousers were torn at the knees. I indulged her. I wore ‘something nice.’ I wore shoes. She was pleased.

And she invited me again for another event. I was to be part of the audience and wouldn’t be seen on stage. This is what happened.

Here's a choice:
"torn clothes if you like.”

Distinction is a social construct
this truth we know
this truth we unlearn
with singular determination
and train eyes to worship
fashion and trend
those deities manufactured
as all deities are
to obtain confirmation
and make profit on the side,
and not everyone is like Voltaire
able in five minutes
to talk away his face
so he could bed the Queen of England
if he so wished,
not everyone can erase with ease
consecrated inconsequentiality
and not everyone can peel away makeup
unlayer deceitful garments
and bring forth the heart
resplendent with blemish and wart;
as for me, I wear clean clothes,
some torn and some not
in adoration of preferred comforts
for I have no eyes
to see eyes that will not see.

We are all lesser personalities in someone’s eyes. We are judged and we judge. We wear clothes and the clothes we wear often wear us down. It’s all very tedious and that makes us comply. We don't want to suffer discomfort; we ‘fit’ so we don’t invite caustic comments.

Such a waste of time, I sometimes think.

malindadocs@gmail.com

['The Morning Inspection' is the title of a column I wrote for the Daily News from 2009 to 2011, one article a day, Monday through Saturday. This is a new series. Links to previous articles in this new series are given below]

04 July 2023

The clothes we wear and the clothes that wear us (down)

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