12 May 2015

Dude, you gotta love our Keriya

He didn't come with guns. He didn't need to.  We know he has them and knows how to use them.  
Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say.  A lot of things to say.  The entire country can learn from them. This is the twenty seventh in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'.  Scroll down for other articles in this series. 

It’s official.  We have a new boss.  Sorry ‘Lizabeth, we have to move on.  Time passes, things change.  Sure, we appreciate all that the English did for us and we will be eternally grateful too.  But what was big then is small now and we must take note of dimensions.

For more than fifty years we let history override this thing called ‘current reality’.  Oh yes, we knew all this time that Britain had long ceased to rule the seas.  The sun set a long time ago.   But although Britain’s sway globally had diminished quite a bit, we didn’t let on.  It wouldn’t have served our purposes. Yes, you taught us what ‘self interest’ is (and we are grateful for that too).  You see, the non-Kolombians living in this island didn’t know who called the shots or else weren’t too sure.  But our friend John Kerry changed all that.  And now that everyone knows, we might as well acknowledge the truth.  No hard feelings.   

John Kerry is not our boss, but he represents The Boss.  ‘The Boss’ is the United States of America.  You can also use ‘Washington’ or ‘The US State Department’ or ‘Wall Street’ instead of ‘USA’, it doesn’t matter.  We all know what’s what and that’s what counts. 

So when Keriya (he’s so cute and lovable that it is only right that we ‘affectionize’ his name) says ‘Sri Lanka’s war with Tamils’ we go along with it.  One does not argue with the boss.  And mind you, if anyone thought he was ignorant that’s all tosh.  He knows what he is talking about.  He will lie, distort, feign ignorance, remain silent, look the other way and do whatever it takes to get whatever he wants.  That’s his prerogative.  As loyalists we go along with it.  That’s what is so beautiful about Kolombians and that’s the secret of our long-standing success. 

Our Keriya probably knew how to spell the name of the great Buddhist revivalist from America.  Americans know and even if they didn’t we will not dispute.  We will defend.  So when he butchers the name of Henry Steele Olcott and calls him Alcot, it’s deliberate. He’s saying, ‘I will call him whatever I feel like calling him – deal with it!’  One must admire the arrogance of the Boss (and his representatives of course). 

Now some people are a bit peeved that our Keriya played the role of both President and Elections Commissioner by declaring elections in Sri Lanka.  They are upset that Keriya was ignorant of the fact that this tropical island doesn’t have the same seasons that North America experiences.  They are upset that he thought Sri Lanka had a summer.  Well, since we are now officially beholden to the USA and have accepted the truth that the USA is No 1 (we are glad, by the way, that although Barack Obama is dark, his policies are all ‘white’), it is only right that we salute our Keriya and accept the fact that Sri Lanka now has a Spring, Summer, Fall (not Autumn, for that’s too ‘British’) and Winter.  Don’t be surprised if we get some snow in November.  And don’t complain if we don’t, because not all the states of the USA get snow! 

Yes, we gotta love the dude.  We are gonna make sure that Sri Lanka becomes totally ‘American’ by the year 2020.  We will get Ranil to formulate a 5 year program where the US version (spelling and slang included) of English becomes the official language of Sri Lanka, vehicles will be driven on the right side of the road, ‘Sri Lanka Matha’ replaced with ‘Star Spangled Banner’ and the flag something like what the Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico have (some stripes but only red and white and NO green or orange, some stars but NO lion, sword, perhaps a cross but NO bo-kola) and currency notes carrying the legend ‘In God We Trust’.

It would be a bit much for me to celebrate Obama, given his color (we might get used to it a few generations down the line, but not now – we’ve been worshipping ‘white’ for far too long!), but if say Hillary becomes president you would find me screaming ‘I wanna hold her hand!’ 


Yep, we gotta love our Keriya and everything he represents.  It’s been a huge burden going along with the British lie, but we done with all that.  It’s USA, baby.  All the way!   


Other articles in the series:
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5 comments:

Shantha Bandara said...

We also gotta love newspapers propped up by siphoned off Divineguma funds me thinks

Malinda Seneviratne said...

and i adore dudes who are ready to believe anything they see on the net...nothing easier than winning over the gullible! ;)

Anonymous said...

Malinda, nice piece, a couple of typos. I think you mean: revivalist from America not American? And butchers not butcher's? But one never knows with these Kolombians, they could be deliberately misspelling.

Shantha Bandara said...

Let's wait and see , Shall we :)

Malinda Seneviratne said...

you are right. corrected. thanks.