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| He didn't come with guns. He didn't need to. We know he has them and knows how to use them. |
Kolombians are a distinct people from Colombo who know much -- so much that they are wont to think that others don't know and can't think. They have things to say. A lot of things to say. The entire country can learn from them. This is the twenty seventh in a series published in 'The Nation' under the title 'Notes of an Unrepentant Kolombian'. Scroll down for other articles in this series.
It’s official. We
have a new boss. Sorry ‘Lizabeth, we
have to move on. Time passes, things
change. Sure, we appreciate all that the
English did for us and we will be eternally grateful too. But what was big then is small now and we
must take note of dimensions.
For more than fifty years we let history override this thing
called ‘current reality’. Oh yes, we
knew all this time that Britain had long ceased to rule the seas. The sun set a long time ago. But
although Britain’s sway globally had diminished quite a bit, we didn’t let
on. It wouldn’t have served our
purposes. Yes, you taught us what ‘self interest’ is (and we are grateful for
that too). You see, the non-Kolombians
living in this island didn’t know who called the shots or else weren’t too
sure. But our friend John Kerry changed
all that. And now that everyone knows,
we might as well acknowledge the truth.
No hard feelings.
John Kerry is not our boss, but he represents The Boss. ‘The Boss’ is the United States of
America. You can also use ‘Washington’
or ‘The US State Department’ or ‘Wall Street’ instead of ‘USA’, it doesn’t
matter. We all know what’s what and
that’s what counts.
So when Keriya (he’s so cute and lovable that it is only
right that we ‘affectionize’ his name) says ‘Sri Lanka’s war with Tamils’ we go
along with it. One does not argue with
the boss. And mind you, if anyone
thought he was ignorant that’s all tosh.
He knows what he is talking about.
He will lie, distort, feign ignorance, remain silent, look the other way
and do whatever it takes to get whatever he wants. That’s his prerogative. As loyalists we go along with it. That’s what is so beautiful about Kolombians
and that’s the secret of our long-standing success.
Our Keriya probably knew how to spell the name of the great
Buddhist revivalist from America.
Americans know and even if they didn’t we will not dispute. We will defend. So when he butchers the name of Henry Steele
Olcott and calls him Alcot, it’s deliberate. He’s saying, ‘I will call him
whatever I feel like calling him – deal with it!’ One must admire the arrogance of the Boss
(and his representatives of course).
Now some people are a bit peeved that our Keriya played the
role of both President and Elections Commissioner by declaring elections in Sri
Lanka. They are upset that Keriya was
ignorant of the fact that this tropical island doesn’t have the same seasons
that North America experiences. They are
upset that he thought Sri Lanka had a summer.
Well, since we are now officially beholden to the USA and have accepted
the truth that the USA is No 1 (we are glad, by the way, that although Barack
Obama is dark, his policies are all ‘white’), it is only right that we salute
our Keriya and accept the fact that Sri Lanka now has a Spring, Summer, Fall
(not Autumn, for that’s too ‘British’) and Winter. Don’t be surprised if we get some snow in
November. And don’t complain if we
don’t, because not all the states of the USA get snow!
Yes, we gotta love the dude.
We are gonna make sure that Sri Lanka becomes totally ‘American’ by the
year 2020. We will get Ranil to
formulate a 5 year program where the US version (spelling and slang included)
of English becomes the official language of Sri Lanka, vehicles will be driven
on the right side of the road, ‘Sri Lanka Matha’ replaced with ‘Star Spangled
Banner’ and the flag something like what the Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico have
(some stripes but only red and white and NO green or orange, some stars but NO
lion, sword, perhaps a cross but NO bo-kola)
and currency notes carrying the legend ‘In God We Trust’.
It would be a bit much for me to celebrate Obama, given his
color (we might get used to it a few generations down the line, but not now –
we’ve been worshipping ‘white’ for far too long!), but if say Hillary becomes
president you would find me screaming ‘I wanna hold her hand!’
Yep, we gotta love our Keriya and everything he
represents. It’s been a huge burden going
along with the British lie, but we done with all that. It’s USA, baby. All the way!
Shortcuts to becoming a Kolombian
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
A Kolombian's worst nightmare
The Bourse is ours!
You name it, Kolombians own it
We shall not be re-named
Get off my walkway!
Thank you Mahinda for the Avacado Prawns!
English is a feel-good thing na?
Dear Percy, your membership card is ready
Forget Mahinda and Maithree, Alistair Cook is the Kolombian choice!
One day we will acquire 'class conciseness'!
Mahinda, Maithripala and their Money-Pestos
5 comments:
We also gotta love newspapers propped up by siphoned off Divineguma funds me thinks
and i adore dudes who are ready to believe anything they see on the net...nothing easier than winning over the gullible! ;)
Malinda, nice piece, a couple of typos. I think you mean: revivalist from America not American? And butchers not butcher's? But one never knows with these Kolombians, they could be deliberately misspelling.
Let's wait and see , Shall we :)
you are right. corrected. thanks.
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