Malinda Words: Friendships that keep friends permanently at 16

Eraj Basnayake, Professor of Mathematics, Monroe Community College in Rochester, New York, was in my class from grades one through six. While there were some students in the sixth grade class who had been with us from Grade 1 to 4, they had been in different classes the previous year courtesy of what was then a mandatory shuffle in the fifth grade.

We were never in the same class again. We both opted to study mathematics for the Advanced Level, but we were in different classes. He left for the USA to continue his studies, I switched to Arts and ended up in Peradeniya.

Years later, in the early days of the internet, I found Eraj again. He was in the state of Georgia. I was in New York. I emailed him and he replied. And so friendship was renewed. I still remember Eraj observing how years and years can pass without seeing people, then there’s re-connect and it’s as though nothing has changed. Some friendships are like that. We would meet off and on when he visited his parents in Sri Lanka. He’s now in Rochester and we discussed the possibility of meeting sometime in the coming months.

This is not about Eraj but what he said about friendship.

Right now I am in a town called Monroe, which has nothing to do with Monroe College. This Monroe is in the state of Connecticut. I am in the home of Ruvinda Gunawardana.

Ruvinda and I were in the same class in the seventh grade and later when we were preparing for the ALs. My decision to switch subjects meant we went along different disciplinary trajectories. He entered Colombo University (Science Faculty) and when the university system collapsed in the midst of unprecedented political turmoil in the late eighties, Ruvinda decided to continue his studies at Texas A & M University. He later completed a PhD at Rice University.

Facebook put us back in touch. We communicated off and on. I gathered that he ‘was into music.’

Although we both took ‘Western Music’ in the seventh grade, neither of us thought of music as a career. I do remember that Ruvinda loved ‘C T Fernando. He told me one day (and this was 46 years ago) that not only did he love CT’s voice, but admired the fact that his songs alluded to Buddhist tenets even though he was of the Christian faith. He was referring to the line ‘ata lo dama huru helayaa (the Hela people knowledgeable about the eight worldly conditions)’ in the song ‘Hela Jathika Abhimane (the nationalist pride of the Helas).

I surmised that Ruvinda must be really good at time management to have taught himself how to play the piano and guitar when I saw some ‘music posts.’ I didn’t know then that he was an engineer whose work was in cutting edge robotic technology. I do now.

I saw Ruvinda after 40 years. He recalls that he had seen me at Colombo Campus when I came to visit my ‘political friends.’ I had forgotten. Time has not passed though.

Back in the day we spoke about the books we read. We both went through the ‘Enid Blyton Phase.’ We both loved Tintin. I like Asterix too, but Ruvinda wasn’t too fascinated by the disproportionate dimensions of the characters. Now he doesn’t mind, he said. So we talked about the books we loved and whatever it was we remembered from that time. He had forgotten certain things that I remembered and vice versa. Together we pieced together the flavours and fragrances of that other time of gentleness, wide-eyed wonderment and exhilarating ignorance. Good then. Good now. Good always.

And we talked about how life has been these four decades. We sang the old songs we both loved and the newer ones which, we discovered, we loved too. He with his guitar and on the piano, I with the presence of mind to let my untrained voice piggyback on his more than decent voice.

We are not the 12 year olds we were. We are not the 17 year olds we were. Commonality of classroom and subject are cities we’ve left behind a long time ago. They’ve been replaced, we found, with other interests. Time hasn’t passed. Time doesn’t, not in the case of friendship marked by affection and kindness.

Ruvinda explained his work. Greek to me. He tossed out some basic musical terms. Greek to me. Delightful, nevertheless. We have aged, but friendship has resolved to pin the age ’16’ on both of us and that has stayed for 40 years. I know it seems stupid, but indulge me, please, if not for any other reason than the fact that we both could listen to and sing the songs of Clarence, Edward, Victor, Sunil, Amaradeva, Milton and Jim Reeves. That's something, isn't it?

These moments are precious but not unsurprising. Some friendships are like that. Eraj was right.

['The Morning Inspection' is the title of a column I wrote for the Daily News from 2009 to 2011, one article a day, Monday through Saturday. This is the 260th article in the new series that began in December 2022. Links to previous articles are given below]

07 November 2023

Friendships that keep friends permanently at 16

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